Thursday, August 02, 2007

My Mother

My mother had a stroke in march, and apart from a brief interlude in a nursing home where she seemed to be happy, but developed a chest infection and was taken back to hospital, has been in hospital since then.
Not well enough to go home, but not ill enough to be in hospital.
If you are not ill its a soul destroying place and it seems like her soul is destroyed, she has decided to refuse all further treatment, has so many things wrong with her, she needs to be on medication.
She knows what it means, but is stubborn and has dug her heels in.
The family wants her to fight, but she has had enough.
Its difficult to know how I feel.
Sad as I know the inevitable outcome, but so frustrated with her and trying to repect her wishes.
The girls feel the same, Fred doesn't know yet, is at a mates house plugged into his PC until saturday, trouble is his mate has just moved and we have no idea of the phone number.
Confused, irritated and sad.


Dawn Pickles said...

I know that it sounds trite (almost anything does in these circumstances) but you have to hang on to the thought that your Mother has made her wishes clear and that you are respecting that. It's very hard to watch someone you love "give up" in this way, (I just lost my Dad in similar circumstances and Mum has decided to also follow this route) but they have a right to exercise their own judgement on what constitutes too much and to opt for what they see as a more dignified and personal end to their lives. I do know that when you have several chronic and life-limiting conditions it can seem as if everyone else has control of your life and you end up as just an observer, but it is very, very hard on those close to the sufferer. My only way of coping was to almost say goodbye in my heart when the decision to refuse treatment was made, and then I could visit Dad and treat it as a one-off special occasion each time. I too had the problems with offspring and siblings - keeping everyone informed, making sure everyone knew what the situation was and supporting them, and it has left me feeling that I have not been able to start mourning Dad properly, or to come to terms with Mum's decision. Do try to make some time for yourself - hard I know - and do look after yourself. It can feel like the whole world is relying on you, but time out will only make you stronger. I do hope you can have some happy times with your Mother and be able to store more good memories. I only know you through being a customer of yours, but I will be thinking of you and your family and hoping for better times for you all.

Dye Studio said...

Thanks for your good wishes Dawn, especially as you are going through the same thing.
My mother and I have never seen eye to eye, however she is still my mother.
The best I can do is be there for her and support my Dad, who I know is struggling like the rest of us to understand.
I don't have siblings, but luckily my offspring are gathering around, my big one is even coming home from London for the weekend, Fred still doesn't know but is working today so will phone work at lunchtime and tell him.
Parents!, more problem than kids - :-)
At least I have the dye baths and lots of lovely white wool to dye to take my mind off things.

Spinayarn said...

I went through this with my mother and am currently going through it with my FIL. It is so hard. In many ways I feel as though the grieving process has already started, even though he is still here. You may find it is like that with you. Try to find some time for yourself in all this if you can. Best Wishes to you and your family.

Laughingrat said...

I'm so sorry, Amanda.